March 18

My birthday ended up being really great and I felt incredibly loved.

And then the world started burning.

We started distance teaching/learning on Monday at work. I am both having fun and dreading making all the videos needed to teach first graders.

I'm starting to get reeeeal fancy with the titles.

Do you want to learn how to calculate with nickels and pennies? Click here!

Really wish everyone would just shut things down for a week and let everybody breathe. Some people want normalcy, but my depressed and anxious brain needs a little bit of space to let my body completely relax before going full-throttle into having a schedule and carrying on. I just want like, 2 days of doing nothing but lying in bed and listening to music.

Hope all 0 of you who read this are staying healthy and sane.

March 6

Once again it is my birthday (in like an hour, but whatever) and I am making myself sad.

And wallowing in loneliness.

And really sucking at communication.

At least this year I'm not binge eating to deal (aka not deal) with my emotions. I even just turned down the offer of a free cookie. Granted, getting that cookie would require putting clothes back on and I'm just not willing to put in the effort.

I wonder what it's like to have a non-anxious brain. To not give such terrible power to such small, insignificant things. To not worry that the only motivation people have to interact with you is some form of pity.

I'm throwing a birthday party tomorrow and I have to constantly tell myself people will have fun and I am not responsible for everyone having a good time. Hell, I have to tell myself that I'm going to have fun.

I'm like the Little Engine That Could. Or as I should say, The Little Erica That Could.

I will have fun.
I will have fun.
I will have fun.
I will have fun.
I will have fun.