Jan 15

Spent the evening listening to the Finding Fred podcast and crying like you do.

I should have spent time putting laundry away or planning science tomorrow or editing my German counterpart's report card comments, but no. I wanted to listen to stories about Fred Rogers being just the kindest human being and thinking maybe I should attend divinity school and talk about god and being kind.

Really I think some days I just want to go back to school.

I miss the simplicity of it. That's one thing that scares me about possibly going on to pursue my PhD. It won't be as straightforward as getting my MEd. Earning that was mostly like getting a more specialized bachelor degree.

I have to come up with IDEAS to get a PhD. And I so often second guess my own intentions and interests. How am I supposed to know what research topic I truly want to pursue when most days I don't even know how I feel about the rest of life?

Also writing is hard. That's why I'm trying to do this while once a day every couple of days writing thing.

I need to remember I still have time. Most people wait a bit before doing the whole PhD thing. W&M was just filled with overachievers who all wanted their fancy hats and robes before turning 30.